300 Pound Psychologist or 300 Pound Comedian?
My
weight loss story has a unique twist to it due to my career path. I am a
psychologist and theorist/writer. I co-authored SELF-DEFEATING BEHAVIORS (Harper/Collins, 1991). The book continues
in publication and is considered the classic work on why/how people repeat
negative behaviors. The book is published inter-nationally. I make a lot of
presentations on my topic, and with my own self-defeating behaviors, regarding
weight issues, being so glaring, it created marketing problems. Since I weighed
over 300 pounds and was presenting on the topic of eliminating self-defeating
behaviors, it created an oxymoron. A common reaction from the audience was
something like “Is this person a 300-pound psychologist or a 300-pound
comedian?”
A number of years ago, at lunch, a friend
of mine said, “Why don’t you apply your models to your own weight issues?” It
was a version of “Why doesn’t the plumber fix his own leaky pipes?” I knew HOW
to change, and my friend was right, it was time to APPLY the information to
myself. Since people are afraid not to repeat their self-defeating behaviors, I
knew that “attacking” my weight issues with dieting, will power, counting
calories, etc.,
would fail. I started simply by focusing on eating healthful food and reducing portions. After three months, I lost thirty pounds, and my body started to feel cold, like it was slowing down. I mentioned this to a friend of mine, and she told me that I would have to start an exercise program. Then my body would make an adjustment, and I would continue to lose weight. I followed through with her suggestions. Currently, my food portions have shifted dramatically. Historically, when I would have dinner, with my wife, I would eat my complete meal and finish off the other half of her meal, which she had left on the table. Today, she and I share one meal between us. Also, an exercise program has become part of my weekly routine. Positive, permanent behavioral change comes not by focusing on the negative behaviors. These behaviors are simply the caboose, and they are just along for the ride. The real drivers of self-defeating behaviors are the Mythical Fears that force the negative behaviors. And, the Behavioral Beliefs/Feelings that create the Mythical Fears. Since these drivers are in the partially conscious and unconscious areas of the mind, people struggle with making positive corrections due to not having the drivers in full consciousness.
would fail. I started simply by focusing on eating healthful food and reducing portions. After three months, I lost thirty pounds, and my body started to feel cold, like it was slowing down. I mentioned this to a friend of mine, and she told me that I would have to start an exercise program. Then my body would make an adjustment, and I would continue to lose weight. I followed through with her suggestions. Currently, my food portions have shifted dramatically. Historically, when I would have dinner, with my wife, I would eat my complete meal and finish off the other half of her meal, which she had left on the table. Today, she and I share one meal between us. Also, an exercise program has become part of my weekly routine. Positive, permanent behavioral change comes not by focusing on the negative behaviors. These behaviors are simply the caboose, and they are just along for the ride. The real drivers of self-defeating behaviors are the Mythical Fears that force the negative behaviors. And, the Behavioral Beliefs/Feelings that create the Mythical Fears. Since these drivers are in the partially conscious and unconscious areas of the mind, people struggle with making positive corrections due to not having the drivers in full consciousness.
As I was in my weight reduction process,
moving from weighing more than 300 pounds to my current weight of 165 pounds,
and my body fat is 17%. I kept trying to focus on understanding the drivers
that were forcing my weight issues. What was that Behavioral Belief/Feeling?
Along the process, it emerged: A DISCIPLINED LIFE IS A BORING LIFE. This translated
into eat all you want and make no attempt at disciplining your lifestyle. Then
I would be rewarded with an exciting lifestyle: carefree, open, and happy. Also,
the Mythical Fear driver emerged: AS LONG AS MY LIFE IS UNDISCIPLINED, IT WILL
BE EXCITING. Exciting! How is being treated like a 300- pound comedian, as
opposed to being treated like a doctorate level psychologist and author,
exciting? It is a paradox that the exact opposite is true: A DISCIPLINED LIFE IS
AN EXCITING LIFE. This paradox is true of all self-defeating behaviors. Looking
back over my weight loss, it is remarkable that I had allowed such a silly
Behavioral Belief/Feeling dominate my life in such a negative way. My weight
loss has positively impacted every area of my life, professionally and
privately!
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